The Greys

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Taken this past week on a nearby hiking trail, this photo rather summarizes my life at the moment, which seems rather grey. Not so much the grey of sadness, although there is a tinge of that, but more the grey of sameness. This is a bit of a paradox, really, as I’ve been forced out of my usual routines into some different activities while recovering from surgery – ah, but perhaps merely doing different things is not much of a change.

I weary of the script assigned to me, I think, and I am indebted to a friend for this choice of phrase. We are, of course, supposed to write our own life scripts, but I think this is probably somewhat rare. We make choices about many things, but we also play roles that many of us are not conscious of choosing. The roles are archetypal but also resonant of our own particular culture and its stereotypes…I suppose this is only problematic if we do not fit these stereotypes. In reality likely none of us do, though some seem content to fit themselves into the type.

I am planning a major move in upcoming months, so change and movement are in the air for me. The deeper I get into this process, however, the more I discover that it is my script, rather than the stage, that is more determinant of what I shall make of the production. I believe I shall focus on writing this script for myself this time around, and choosing the role I should like to play. I suspect there are several parts I may be suited for – and that can be incorporated too.

I fear, my imaginary friend, that writing one’s own script may be difficult, but who knows? So far I have only embellished the roles I have been given, as opposed to creating my own. If there is some sadness at leaving behind the fond and the familiar, there is also exhilaration in the creation, day by day, of a new way of being. This is all too new yet – but, well, here it is, day one. As always, I would like you to come on the journey with me.

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2 comments on “The Greys

  1. I sense a great world weariness in this post, VL. And I hope these feelings soon make room for a great expanse of possibilities. I appreciate, however, the gravity in it as well, for in truth none of us escape these feelings, no matter how we may try. Peace and blessings to you.

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    • I am trying not to push these feelings (hmmm, non-feelings?) away, Bela, for I do believe that it is only in the embrace of them that real change is possible. I am sorry if I communicated world-weariness, though – for nothing could be further from the truth. I awake every day excited about the possibilities…
      One thing I must acknowledge is that my physical recovery, as opposed to complete wellness, is irritating to me. This surprises me, a bit – but I think it wise to pay attention to the need for action, which might be at the expense of real change….
      As always, your comments fill me with blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

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